Blogged at: 5:27AM
Starting today I will not procrastinate and get everything that I need to be finished, finished before it’s time to go to bed. Senioristis already hit me and good grief, it’s very bad.
Past: I still hate the fact that I miss you as the guy who I turned too when I needed the feeling of being wanted and loved. I hate how you played with my heart and emotions when you knew I was vulernable towards it. I hated how I easily fell into your hands and gave you what you utmost desired without having a clue that you would leave me in the dark all over again. I knew that if you were able to have the guts to dump your girlfriend to be with me, that you would have the same strength to do the same on me if we were ever meant to be. I knew, that for being with someone for nearly two years, that you wouldn’t just let her go with that much ease – and that eventually you’d turn around and run back to her. You told me, “No, she hurt me so much in the past, I want to be with you.” You told me that, and you did the opposite thing. When I cried – It wasn’t because of what you did that hurt me, it wasn’t because I hated you. It was because I was disappointed in you – how you could lie to me about wanting me, and wanting to be with me. That’s the most messed up thing that any guy has ever done – next to getting cheated too. Don’t lie about wanting to be a part of my life to get my attention. We could’ve ended up being friends, but you pushed the limitations so far, that I can’t even bear to look at what we had anymore. It’s over, everything.
Present: Despite my problems that I had with Chinh, things are getting better. I’ve learned not to trust people with my heart anymore and not to give in, with what they need and what they want to expect from me. I am tired of feeling unappreciated and used all the time – well seriously, now? I can offer you two middle fingers and big “fuck you” to the ones who enjoy hurting people. Unless I know you deserve my friendship and my time when I help you, don’t bother asking for my advice, help, etc. I’m tired of being pushed aside after managing to get someone out of the hole that they’ve dug themselves in. I’ve grown from one minor incident, and I’m not going to let another incident like that happening ever again. You had me at hello, and I got you back when I said “good-bye”.
Love Status: I don’t need a guy to tell me that he thinks I’m “cute” or “hot” or whatever it is that they call girls these days. I just want one who can care for me as if I really do matter to them and be there to listen to my problems when I have any. I don’t expect much but just being able to know that there is someone out there that truly cares about me. But then again, there are so little guys out there that realize that and they come into my life thinking, “Oh yeah. She’s going to be mine.” And come out of my life saying, “Man, fuck the bitch.” Sorry that you didn’t get what you wanted out of me, but I don’t want to waste my time getting to know someone who won’t make a difference in my life. The only guy I know who will be there is Gerrat, and that is why I call him my favorite.<3 Thanks for always being there for me.
Tags: Friendship, Lies, Relationship
